Oct 24-28th: The Big Issues: Getting a Haircut

The blog is back: bigger, blacker and badder than ever. As always it’s been on holiday due to me being busy (watching a lot of “Breaking Bad”).

I’d been in the market for a new hairdresser ever since my one moved to Australia. I know she’s gone there to enjoy weather and build a new life but all in all it’s pretty selfish because it meant I was going to have to find someone as good as her for the same money. Baring in mind she only charged me half price as she was my friend James’s sister, this was a pretty tricky task. The first one I got was about 6 weeks ago at a local salon; not only did it cost £25 (£7 more) but it took 90 minutes. Now although I would rather someone take their time and ensure they did a good job, my hair should not take the duration of a football match to cut. You may be thinking this is a good thing as it significantly eats into my vacuous daytime but it was far too long a stint for me to maintain benal chit-chat. Once you start asking how old they were when they decided to become a hairdresser, it’s pretty much time to run out the salon without paying. She also did it too short, I’d say 90% of men would agree that their hair is always too short for the first 2 weeks. If any hairdressers read this, word of advice: longer is better (insert really obvious, terrible penis based joke here in your potty minds).

The one I got this week was top notch. Turns out if you ring Headmasters (wanky salon) on the day, you can get a hair cut by one of their most experienced hairdressers for only £18. You know it’s a classy joint because rather than calling their hairdressers, “hairdressers” they have ridiculously grand titles like, “hair technician”, “colour craftsman”, “weave magician”. I also got a head massage with some sort of mint shampoo. Now if you’ve ever put mint shower gel on your body, you will know it’s like giving your pores an orgasm; add a head massage into the equation and you will spend the next 30 minutes trying to find your mind…which you just lost. I also got a free pot of tea. I’m pretty sure mint shower products, a massage and a lovely cup of breakfast tea could bring peace to the Middle East and solve any financial crisis in Europe in an instant.

So there you go, after a few months off, my blog has returned and now is less about comedy and more about getting a hair cut. Unfortunately, that was the most exciting thing I did between 9-5 and this blog is a slave to my daytime activities. Hopefully next week I’ll have some top recommendations for nail salons. I hope you all had a good Halloween weekend, where you either got in a fight or had to do a walk of shame dressed as Mr T.