16-21st May

After a month off blogging, I’m back , which all 7 of you will be delighted to know. Personal reasons have prevented me from writing over the last month; by personal reasons I mean I’ve personally been extremely lazy/ forgetful.

This week was constructive and I will give you one or two highlights. I made a Spaghetti Bolognese for the first time since university. I was really pumped about it, as I hadn’t had one since living with my parents. I was getting nostalgic whilst cooking it and if I’m honest a little cocky. I was haughtily tossing in dried basil and oregano, squirting Tabasco and Worchester sauce with gay abandon like some sort of condiment King. After this much diligence and effort it inevitably tasted shit: not horrendous, just not as good as the way my mum makes it. There is something about mums and Spag Bol. Once you fire a kid out of your crotch, God must compensate you with super spaghetti and fried mince powers.

This wasn’t as bad as Benny Boot’s Lamb curry, which he made for me on Wednesday. Benny is a fellow comedian, who recently quit his day job. This means he has less money but meant I had someone to play with (not like that) on a weekday. He brought over his homemade lamb curry in a Tupperware box like an overgrown schoolboy. He gave me half, which I now think was a roundabout way of him telling me that I had somehow annoyed him. It did not taste good. He was the first one to put his hands up and say it wasn’t an enjoyable mouth companion; he blamed the lack of salt in the marinade. I blame the fact that he hasn’t fired any children out of your crotch because mums are also good at making curry.

Benny also accompanied me to the gym. This was a world first for me: I had a work out buddy in the gym. Benny got to see all the GMBs and The GMG who we both agreed was relatively attractive but could probably only have conversations about reps and stretching, therefore not so attractive. Having him there meant I actually did a proper work out rather than lift the odd dumbbell and stare at leggings. I’m not really a fan of doing a proper workout because it meant I was completely fatigued and had to have an afternoon nap, which no one with a real job is allowed to do.

The other notable trip I embarked upon was to attend a Vodafone advert casting in central London. The money was decent and I’m more broke than a Greek (topical), so I was quite keen to get it. The funniest thing about a casting is you sit in a waiting room with 5 or 6 versions of you. As the brief for who they are casting is your physical description it’s slightly disturbing being surrounded by people who are only ½ a chromosome away from you. After waiting for ages I went in and mimed putting some shoes on for 8 seconds before the director said, “thanks for waiting for so long…”, in his mind he must have finished that sentence with, “…”although you are crap at mime and shouldn’t have bothered”. I did not get the part.

It’s good to be back blogging. Till next week or month or year.