This week was another throw back to my childhood. On top of doing vaguely constructive things like writing something funny with a friend, recording a podcast with Carl Donnelly and filming one of those talking head shows, I had an old school play-date with my friend’s Nick and Pat.
Before I describe the most boyish Friday ever, I’ll just mention this talking head shenanigans. I had to go into town to film some spiel for “Most Annoying people 2010”. I’m getting quite used to these shows but my only problem is I find it hard to slag off these “people”. The only people who actually annoy me are those that effect my life, I think Ronnie O’Sullivan is awesome and have no problem with him but I’ll happily slag off the tosser who got on the Underground before I’d got off! So I doubt I’ll make much of the edit saying “everyone’s lovely!” It’s hardly comedy gold.
On Friday Nick and Patrick came over early afternoon to play computer games and rinse me. If you lock 3 or more male friends in a room in the middle of the day there is very little that goes on apart from us all calling each other “benders”, “retards” and “gay-retards”. I mainly got torn apart after an advert I’m in came on the TV. Due to the wonders of Sky Plus, Nick rewound and played it in slow motion 10 times, zooming in on my worryingly crinkly forehead.; I still loved it though, I’d rather be getting annihilated for hours with friends than be alone. If all the ribbing and joshing wasn’t suitably immature we went down to the park with a Mitre Calcio. If anyone of our friends with jobs had walked through a Willsden Park at 4pm on Friday afternoon they would have seen three, 24 year old men playing an adapted version of World Cup singles. The worst thing was I didn’t win this pointless game; Nick “the penguin legs” Halewood managed to dominate with his trusty toe punt.
Being immature is one thing but losing at being immature is something I’m just not used to.
Tuesday 19 October 2010
Friday 15 October 2010
4-8th October: Just when you think you’re growing up you buy a new Xbox game
This week I was back in London and so much less depressed. I dabbled at writing but mainly enjoyed the fact I wasn’t being kept prisoner in a sleeping bag.
Things I did, which I now count as constructive were, buy the new Fifa 11, get a haircut and purchase a new adult coat. I went to Sainsbury’s to get Fifa because I heard that you get it £25 if you spend over £30 on other items. I had no real need to buy any groceries and I wanted to get gaming as quick as possible so I embarked on my own version of “Supermarket Sweep”; minus the orange faced house husband’s favorite, Dale Winton. My main criteria were, get items that are high cost, not perishable and can be easily swept into my trolley. For one horrific moment I thought they’d sold out of the game on the X-BOX. After queuing at customer services for ages, I begged, “please don’t tell me you’ve sold out because that’s the only reason I bought this food is to get Fifa for £25”: a sentence that no 24 year old man should ever say. Luckily they had it and I now have no reason to leave my flat.
Natalie, who I’ve mentioned in previous posts gave me my usual haircut…sort of. She prefaced the task by saying “I’m really hungover”. Well that’s fucking fantastic, person holding deadly weapons in and around my scalp and face! If you want to tighten your sphincter at 11am on Monday, try watching a person with the shakes put a sharp thing near your eye for 30 minutes: it’s impossible not to look at your inevitable injury due to the fact there are 30 bloody mirrors in the joint. She managed to pull it off, although it was a bit too short but that’s down to the fact I asked for it too short, no doubt distracted by the fact I may have to wear an eye patch at the end of the ordeal.
I also bought a proper man’s coat at Uni Qlo, which is incidentally the best shop in the world. I don’t know how much the Japanese workers are getting paid for making the clothes and I don’t want to because it may put me off buying suspiciously affordable garments from there. By a proper man’s coat, it has buttons and no hood. I think this is the first time I’ve owned one and I felt almost like a real grown-up until I went home and played 3 hours of virtual football online.
Things I did, which I now count as constructive were, buy the new Fifa 11, get a haircut and purchase a new adult coat. I went to Sainsbury’s to get Fifa because I heard that you get it £25 if you spend over £30 on other items. I had no real need to buy any groceries and I wanted to get gaming as quick as possible so I embarked on my own version of “Supermarket Sweep”; minus the orange faced house husband’s favorite, Dale Winton. My main criteria were, get items that are high cost, not perishable and can be easily swept into my trolley. For one horrific moment I thought they’d sold out of the game on the X-BOX. After queuing at customer services for ages, I begged, “please don’t tell me you’ve sold out because that’s the only reason I bought this food is to get Fifa for £25”: a sentence that no 24 year old man should ever say. Luckily they had it and I now have no reason to leave my flat.
Natalie, who I’ve mentioned in previous posts gave me my usual haircut…sort of. She prefaced the task by saying “I’m really hungover”. Well that’s fucking fantastic, person holding deadly weapons in and around my scalp and face! If you want to tighten your sphincter at 11am on Monday, try watching a person with the shakes put a sharp thing near your eye for 30 minutes: it’s impossible not to look at your inevitable injury due to the fact there are 30 bloody mirrors in the joint. She managed to pull it off, although it was a bit too short but that’s down to the fact I asked for it too short, no doubt distracted by the fact I may have to wear an eye patch at the end of the ordeal.
I also bought a proper man’s coat at Uni Qlo, which is incidentally the best shop in the world. I don’t know how much the Japanese workers are getting paid for making the clothes and I don’t want to because it may put me off buying suspiciously affordable garments from there. By a proper man’s coat, it has buttons and no hood. I think this is the first time I’ve owned one and I felt almost like a real grown-up until I went home and played 3 hours of virtual football online.
Thursday 7 October 2010
September 27th- October 1st: away from home alone
This week was spent traipsing around the middle and north of Britain in my chick-magnet, white Nissan Micra. I went to such exotic destinations as Leicester, Nottingham, Liverpoo, Sheffield and Bridlington and I found myself far more homesick than when I was in Indonesia. This is due to the fact that I was crashing on sofas and was struggling to kill time during the day till my gigs.
When I’m at home during the day, even if I’m alone, I can constructively write, go to the gym or do some admin (play Fifa online). Whilst I’m staying with people despite them making me feel as comfortable as possible I can’t fully relax because I’m sort of in the way, therefore I don’t do anything constructive. Things I did to pass the time were go to the cinema twice: “Scott Pilgrim” and “The Other Guys” were both good, I especially enjoyed the latter due to the fact I think Mark Walberg is the coolest man in the world. I would happily bum him in exchange for some of his coolness, although I don’t think this is a proven ‘get cooler’ technique. I also took 2 hours to eat a sandwich at lunch at Leeds University, mainly because I was staring at everyone trying desperately hard to impress each other with clothes, new hairstyles and a variety of different sized earphones. The people with the biggest earphones think they’re the biggest legends but in actual fact they come across as the biggest bellends.
I stayed with Chris Quaile (nicknamed ‘The Egg’), who kindly let me crash for 3 days in Leeds but the fact I was in my sleeping bag meant I was massively uncomfortable. I understand the practicality of a sleeping bag but why does the bottom bit have to remain zipped tightly? Surely you should have the option of turning the bag into a cover? It’s so irksome trying to sleep in a cotton pharaohs tombstone, it’s like practicing for being buried alive. You may be thinking, why didn’t I just bring a duvet with me as there is plenty of room in my car? The answer is that I’m a moron but at least it’s given me something completely minor to complain about.
Now I’m back in the comfort of NW London, I can do something constructive like…well, check my emails 20 times. However, I can do it in the comfort of my own pants. I’m may be lonely but at least I’m comfortable.
When I’m at home during the day, even if I’m alone, I can constructively write, go to the gym or do some admin (play Fifa online). Whilst I’m staying with people despite them making me feel as comfortable as possible I can’t fully relax because I’m sort of in the way, therefore I don’t do anything constructive. Things I did to pass the time were go to the cinema twice: “Scott Pilgrim” and “The Other Guys” were both good, I especially enjoyed the latter due to the fact I think Mark Walberg is the coolest man in the world. I would happily bum him in exchange for some of his coolness, although I don’t think this is a proven ‘get cooler’ technique. I also took 2 hours to eat a sandwich at lunch at Leeds University, mainly because I was staring at everyone trying desperately hard to impress each other with clothes, new hairstyles and a variety of different sized earphones. The people with the biggest earphones think they’re the biggest legends but in actual fact they come across as the biggest bellends.
I stayed with Chris Quaile (nicknamed ‘The Egg’), who kindly let me crash for 3 days in Leeds but the fact I was in my sleeping bag meant I was massively uncomfortable. I understand the practicality of a sleeping bag but why does the bottom bit have to remain zipped tightly? Surely you should have the option of turning the bag into a cover? It’s so irksome trying to sleep in a cotton pharaohs tombstone, it’s like practicing for being buried alive. You may be thinking, why didn’t I just bring a duvet with me as there is plenty of room in my car? The answer is that I’m a moron but at least it’s given me something completely minor to complain about.
Now I’m back in the comfort of NW London, I can do something constructive like…well, check my emails 20 times. However, I can do it in the comfort of my own pants. I’m may be lonely but at least I’m comfortable.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
