This time of the year is commonly known as the “write off period”. It is where I do nothing apart from eat, drink, nap and play football. It’s like being a cross between an 8 year old boy and a bear. I can’t really remember what happened on any specific day, so rather than retell the usual Christmas stories revolving around arguments and crackers I’ll share a few of the highlights.
Christmas eve: This is always a fun night where everyone from where I grew up goes to the pub and gets MC Hammered. The pub we normally go to slightly let us down as it had to close early for and I quote, “we don’t have enough glasses and a man got pushed out of his wheelchair”. Maybe he was pushed onto all of the spare glasses?
Watching the Darts: I went with 4 friends to watch darts at Alexandra Palace all dressed like complete helmets. In my fancy dress crew there was a Sonic the Hedgehog, Morph, leprachaun, monkey and crocodile. We got on television a lot; pretty encouraging to know that if I can’t get on TV through the medium of comedy all I need to do is dress as a chimp. The place was an absolute geezer fest, loads of funny things happened including a man picking me up, hugging me whilst jumping up and down shouting, “I’m shagging a monkey up the arse!”
Boxing day involved everyone wearing a Christmas jumper and getting munted. New Year’s Eve was a good fun despite everyone going “I’m not bothered what we do” until 3 days before when everyone panics and goes “we need something to do!” Noman’s Land is that week between Christmas and NYE where the real world is forgotten and all everyone does is watch movies, eat mixed nuts and touch themselves. It was a fun week but I’m still recovering. I can see how people become fat and lazy, once you get into the habit of lying on a sofa and snacking it’s hard to psyche yourself up for a trip to the toilet let alone doing any work.
Speaking of which, all this typing has knackered me out. In the words of Sou2Soul it’s time to get “back to life, back to reality”.
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