January 3-7th : Run Down and Running Out of Time

The title of this blog sounds like a sitcom about pensioners suffering from narcolepsy. That is mainly because this week I have felt like one.

After the fun and games of Christmas and New Year as well as a busy gig schedule the moment I got a few days off doing anything my body decided it fancied going on it’s own holiday. I had a siesta everyday of the week, I was like a primary school teacher except I didn’t get paid to nap. I never normally do this because I’m always paranoid that I’m missing out on stuff. In reality, the only thing I’m missing out of is a double bill of “Two and a Half Men” on Comedy Central. My only achievement in the daytime was working out how to get free Sky Movies on my Xbox. This is detrimental to anyone’s creativity: when you can watch a Steven Segal movie during breakfast, you know you’re going to learn nothing all day aside from a few cheesy quotations and that as a man you have to be double hard to pull off rocking a pony tail.

The highlight of my laziness was napping twice in one afternoon. Once during a film called “Thick as Thieves” with Freeman and Banderas and the other was during “Public Enemies”. That was pretty pathetic of me. Can’t wait to chat to some of my friends who are now qualified doctors. When they go, “I’ve just worked twenty hours straight, I’m shattered” I can go, “tell me about it! I just watched two middling movies and I can hardly keep my eyes open.”

We, also, still haven’t found a place to move into, which is perhaps because rather than looking for a place I’m snoozing. I’m now forever in contact with estate agentsto the point where I have two estate agents mobile numbers which is dangerous because when I’m hammered, the temptation to send an abusive text message will be so very great. Something along the lines of this, “this text message benefits from you being a stupid twat and is highly in demand amongst all the other human bellends that work in your industry.”

My mate showed me the best response to a spam email. After a man sent him an email advertising a product he had no interest in, he simply wrote:

“Fuck off”

This email was then battered back by the vendor with an email that simply said:

“Fuck you”

Pure genius. The details of the friend and product cannot be named for legal reasons.

As Rio Ferdinand calls all his Twitter followers tweeps, I’m going to bounce out of this blog by saying:

Laters Bleeps