July 26th-30th : I can’t read in public

I went for another TV casting and was a big pile of steaming non-recyclable rubbish yet again. I hope in 10 yrs I get better at these auditions but for the time being I’m just not good. This time I had to read, the problem is when I got in the room I forgot how to read. The most irksome thing about castings is afterwards they often ask what days you’re available and so you walk out thinking you’ve definitely got it. Instead, they’re probably asking just to be polite: it’s like a girl giving you a fake number to make you think you’ve pulled them. That trick, however, doesn’t work as much any more because desperate men (me included) go “I’ll give you a missed call so you’ve got my number” but what you really mean is “I’m checking this number is not for the local kebab house”. Maybe next time they ask my availability at the end of an audition I’ll go “tell me the location and the time and I’ll turn up!” Alternatively, I could just prepare better and be less crap at reading and acting.

In case you’re wondering, it was for a dating show with Derren Brown. After not hearing anything for a few days I knew I didn’t get it. You don’t have to be Derren Brown to work that out.

Next week I have another audition for something else. Let’s see if I‘m equally as shit. Fingers crossed.