12-17th July: don’t go in my mouth when I’m hungover

This week contained some stuff that I’m sure was interesting but the only thing I can remember is my visit to the dentist.

On Monday morning, I had an appointment at Guy’s and St Thomas’s Hospital where you get a free dental check up; it is because you get checked out by a dental student, therefore there is a higher chance you’ll end up with mirror lodged in your throat. Getting a free appointment is still an amazing novelty. When you’re a kid you think going to the dentist is rubbish but at least it doesn’t cost anything, “I can let a stranger tell me how bad my oral hygiene is but it’s free, free, free, free forever”. Then when you’re 19, it’s like, “give me £30 and I’ll count your teeth and tell you to floss more”. So as soon as it starts costing money we all think, “I’ll never go to dentist unless I get hit in the mouth with a sledgehammer.”

Due to the fact it was free I went along despite feeling like a bag of human wank after drinking lots of “Desperados” during the World Cup Final. Never imbibe this beverage; it is a beer with tequila inside and therefore makes you feel dead inside. When I turned up the girl asked me if I had any specific problems with my teeth. I told her it was just a check up and she looked visibly annoyed: this is because as a student they need to treat a number of specific problems to pass their degree, so I was basically a time waster. Feeling guilty, I panicked and lied “actually my top front teeth were really painful about a month ago”. This made her happier but when she put her head near my mouth she went back to looking visibly distressed: this must have been caused by my bin like breath.

So I got a free dental check up from an irritated student due to me being a tight bastard. Turns out I have mouth aids…