Thursday March 4th

Woke up late. Was stirred by phone call from my childhood pal Tom Halford. He is a chef in Stockholm and has been working in Michelin Star restaurants in Europe for the last 5 years. I’m not sure why a tyre manufacturer is the best judge of good food but nevertheless he is a brilliant cook. He is back in the country till Saturday and wanted to come see my flat. I therefore, stayed in bed writing till he got to my ends.

We went to ‘The Diner’, in Kensal Rise. It’s one of those American chain restaurants. The monster fry up was belting. My only qualm with the place is they do free coffee refills but don’t have the same offer on tea. I love tea and my taste buds are still not mature enough to handle Coffee. My friend Mat and I, go on holiday every year and are the only ones out of friends who don’t drink coffee and can’t sunbathe; we have to kick a football around instead, like a couple of ADD children. One day I will be mature enough to do both these things but till that moment I still have to endure this tea racism.
Tom came back to mine and we had a very leisurely afternoon. We watched a film called ‘Hanging with the Homeboys’ that James Gibb gave me as an intentionally/ironically shit Christmas present. For a minute I actually thought it might be a good film; it wasn’t.

The only thing of note that happened before 5pm was this. I got a phone call from a promoter saying I was going to have to be removed from a gig I was supposed to do next week. I did a gig for them, to a company last week and long story short used the word ‘bukake’ on stage in the first 30 seconds. I will not give specifics about the company/gig as I’ve got into trouble online with names etc before. It definitely wasn’t my fault as no one told me what I could or couldn’t say on stage. Now I’m not a dirty comedian so could easily have done a clean set if asked…it’s not the end of the world but still slightly irksome. I guess the moral of the story is: if in doubt, don’t reference several men spaffing into a woman’s face in the first few seconds of your set.

I’m sure some of you will be Googling ‘bukake’ now. Make sure you delete your history afterwards.